There’s a difference between vanity and self respect. I’m hard on myself for multiple things but I tend to remind myself that I am an okay person (possibly the worst compliment to give to anybody else besides yourself) and quite often when I feel too sensitive, too fat, too tired etc I try to give myself three things that I like about myself.
I’ve not always liked myself and when I look back sometimes I didn’t have many reasons to either. I still find that my sixteen year old self has out weighed who I am today when it comes to other people’s opinions but that’s alright. They just haven’t got to know me for who I am at a wiser (ha) age and in this different stage of my life.
I was an angry teenager (show me a teen who isn’t), I was very dramatic and I got too involved in the latest drama amongst friends even when I thought I wasn’t. I delete my Timehop memories each morning from seven years (and over) ago because it’s like witnessing a different person sometimes. Quite honestly I want to punch my Timehop past self and tell her to get on with it, for people who saw me in that way I can only apologise as an almost 26 year old woman who has settled down and found herself.
But because I have this insecure part of me who still feels the need to ‘prove’ who I am today, I find myself forming a little list of things to remember WHO I really am and actually, since making those changes and becoming myself I’ve never been happier. Everybody needs to grow up at some point and I’m glad that I did, not because of how everyone else was seeing me but because once I opened that door I could really understand myself more in depth and I started to like who I was. If you had to list ten things you like about your partner, best friend, child, pet or even a bloody celebrity you’d find it easy but what about TEN things about yourself? Not so easy. But we are all capable of loving ourselves no matter how small the reasons are so here are ten things I like about myself.
1. I’m kind
Kindness hasn’t always been a priority. I’d not care about people’s feelings once upon a time and only think about my opinions without even thinking that I’d offend somebody. I wasn’t a nasty person in the slightest but I was ignorant. I have a good heart despite the side that may swear too much or say rude things when I’m in the presence of friends. To be honest, there are so many bad people on this planet, haven’t we all been guilty of saying the words “There needs to be more kind people in the world?” If so, then why don’t you go out of your way whenever you can for someone? A stranger, a friend, anything. Peace makes the world a better place and it starts with us.
2. I’m empathetic
Similar to my first point but I’m ridiculously empathetic. To the point that last night I was watching a TV show and there was a scene where a woman lost her girlfriend. It broke me, I had to switch off and hold my husband whilst holding back the tears. How tragic. I’m pathetically sensitive to the point a fictional character will receive a massive amount of empathy from myself but I kind of like being that way. It makes me appreciate what I have when I empathise for others. I’ve always found that some people aren’t happy unless they have MORE in life but the past few years I’ve just been happy with what I do have. I do not have it hard in the slightest and I’m not going to waste my time dwelling on my blessings like they’re burdens.
This is a tricky one. I don’t find myself beautiful, I’m working on my figure, I don’t think I’ve been happy when I look in the mirror for a while! Yet I do what I want with my appearance – I wanted pink hair so I got it, I then got bored and mixed things up and got blue hair. I’m not hurting anybody and if anyone wants to insult my appearance then I think it’s a shame on their behalf! So I guess I’d class this as confidence but whatever it is, that’s something I’ve always done and one of the few things I’ve kept being.
4. I’m honest
I went to a girls’ school and it’s true what they say about teenage girls being bitchy. It was non stop and we all did it. But I find that if something isn’t worth bringing up to someone’s face then it’s not worth saying at all. We all have moments where we need to release about somebody so don’t get me wrong, I’m not perfect and I let of steam in a safe place. But if something is genuinely bothering me or I know somebody who needs to hear some home truths then I’ll be one of the first to be that person. I’m thankful for the people who have done that to/for me in my life after all!
5. I like my eyes
I think they’re my only favourite physical features that I like! I just wouldn’t change them as so many people compliment me about them and that makes me happy. Not much else to say about that!
6. I’ve helped people at the end of their lives – I’m a naturally caring person
I’ve worked in care for most of my working years. I’ve worked with elderly care, dementia care, I’ve worked with disabled adults but the most rewarding job I’ve done is working in TLC care (end of life care). That wasn’t for the faint hearted but I praise myself for getting on with it because I strangely found it easy. I think that’s because it was comforting to know that I was giving somebody the best care at the end of their life and nothing beat that rewarding feeling that you went home with every day. I was on a tight, difficult schedule during long shifts and yes, I witnessed death but it was always peaceful. I’ve held hands with their family members and attended funerals knowing that I was part of their journey – there was no better feeling. In fact, that’s a job I’d do again without a second thought.
7. I don’t give up
I always improve, I accept that it’s impossible to not have any flaws but the ones that make me unhappy – I just change them. It takes time, practice and patience but I don’t ever give up when I truly want something.
8. I’m a good friend (I hope!)
I love hard. I like to think that I don’t let my friends down and if I ever have… it’s because you’re the arse hole (I’m kidding…ish)! I’m a good friend and I give a lot of time to those who treat me the same way.
9. I’m a little bit ‘hippie dippie’
Karma, spirituality, “things happen for a reason”, peace etc. I’m all over that shit but not in a Buddha kind of way.
10. I’m a good mother
I always wanted to be. I make mistakes all the time but I don’t let those times label me as anything BUT a good mother. As long as you try your best and you keep them safe – you’re the best you can be. I’m constantly worried about something regarding Dexter but usually those are things that are out of my control. For example, he’s going through a stage where he doesn’t want to sit in his chair because he gets bored so meal times are difficult and he’s not eating as much as he did a little while ago but this is just a toddler phase, it’ll sort itself out yet sometimes I’m hard on myself even when I’ve tried everything. That’s only because I’m a good mum, he’s my world and I’ll never let my boy or any future children down.
I MADE IT!
Ten things may take a while but don’t give up. See yourself for who you are and more importantly, appreciate the person you are. This took me over an hour but everything I listed was entirely true, I already feel better. I’M AWESOME.