This is your wife speaking. You know the one. She’s usually got a resting bitch face, she nags a lot and doesn’t look like she used to because she’d rather ten more minutes of sleep than to even brush her hair some days.
I often look at my reflection and wonder if you’re still happy with who you ended up with because it’s taking its toll on me, this life. I wouldn’t change it for the world but I’m exhausted despite everything you do for me. Everyone warns you that having a baby challenges your relationship yet I prize us with the fact that we haven’t yet had a single argument over each others parenting skills or son (in almost nineteen months) as I’ve heard that can be quite rare. But I am tired, as you know he’s only just started to sleep through the night so that’s a year and a half of sleep to catch up on so I’ll see you in 2017!
When you come home from work and Dexter is having a tantrum over the fact I took his empty cup away to refill it, I’m sat next to him with my face buried in my hands and I mutter the words “I’m sorry I haven’t had the chance to *insert housework task here* it’s just been such a manic day. I haven’t even showered yet” and then I ask you if you can take over so I can at least get clean and at the most take a nap, I realise that it’s not the best greeting and I sometimes forget that you at least deserve that. Sometimes I feel bad that you come home and I look like I’m struggling to keep on top of everything when at least I have the gift of being able to stay at home with our boy. Sometimes it looks like I’m not doing such a great job when he’s screaming the place down and shouting “no” at everything and everyone. But know this – I am doing my very best as a stay at home mum and without the continous, 24/7 help from another person. I’m learning every day how to be better and how to manage EVERYTHING in the space of a few hours but my God sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes I don’t want to rush to get myself showered and to finish the dishes and put on some make up when he has gone down for a nap, I just want to sit. I want to have a cup of warm tea or read the news. I want to just be selfish and to keep myself entertained for such a short while whilst he sleeps so I can know what’s going on in the world. Hell, I don’t even know a single new song that’s in the charts at the moment! The outside world doesn’t come into my life much these days unless it means going to the park or doing some shopping! I’m sorry if I take the selfish route sometimes because I know you’re going to help me when you get home. Perhaps this is just what a modern day marriage is like or maybe I’m taking advantage but it’s not meant to be a malicious thing that I choose.
I look up to you and how proactive you are. I never knew husbands and dad’s these days (plenty are, I know that now) were hands on and so ready to help in any way until you proved to me that this is a modern age and things have changed. It’s like anything – you hear from other people all of their bad experiences but you don’t hear the good as much. That needs to change and you deserve a lot of praise! You’ve lifted me up, you’ve reassured me, you help out with our home, you give Dexter your all, you work hard and you’re always ready to help in any way that you can so thank you.
Thank you for being more than I sometimes think I deserve and thank you for telling me that i’m being stupid when I say that too. You don’t make me feel like you do too much, instead you remind me of how much I DO and you always say those same helpful words… “It’s not a competition. If it gets done by you or me it doesn’t matter. We have both been busy today.” THE MOST MAGICAL WORDS I NEED TO HEAR!
Sometimes I need that kick up the arse to give myself an ego boost because motherhood IS hard. Motherhood triggers anxiety and causes me to over analyse every little thing that I could be doing wrong instead of patting myself on the back for doing so many things that are right.
Thank you for not only being a wonderful husband and father but for being my best friend. We have always managed to laugh every day, kiss each other goodnight, message each other during the day every day and hold hands where ever we are without having to try to keep those things alive. I love you just as much as I always have, maybe more, even if we don’t go out as much or hang out as much. It’s only because we have less time – not less love.
Your extremely grateful and happy wife, Courtney.
P.S – as I finished writing this you brought me homemade mac and cheese so NOW I LOVE YOU EVEN MORE.