I’m guilty of comparing myself to other people. Pretty much every day.
The mums who have no untidiness in their photos they publish online, the mums who find the time to do every scrap of housework, cooking, crafts and yet they’ve also managed to make themselves look immaculate too.
Of course this doesn’t apply to just mothers but to me that’s the thing I personally look out for the most. We often hear that what we post are edited versions of reality and I couldn’t agree more but there’s still that part of you whispering “But she isn’t struggling, look she’s posted 27 posts in one day about household duties and her outfit of the day. This is real.” You look around at your own home and you still need to sweep up the crisps that have been thrown across the floor and the dishes are piling up. Not to mention that your hair is unbrushable and no matter what you wear you feel like you’re showing off the least flattering features of yourself so you curl up in your biggest hoodie and go back to reading or playing with your toddler but deep down you think to yourself “should I be doing better?”
Truth is, there’s always room for improvement in everybody but I find that imperfections make somebody so much more likeable. If life is so instagram perfect then you’re not seeing the real person and who they really are! I try to avoid that; I’d rather see a happy kid who has smeared pasta sauce all over themselves and on all of their surroundings than a happy mums new scented candle in a show home with that classic ‘hashtag time to relax’ caption screaming out to you that SHE ALSO HAS TIME TO RELAX. If that’s up your street then awesome, I am impressed and you are very inspiring but my personal preference is something that identifies with my less than perfect life. Somebody and something relatable where I don’t feel alone and I know that I’m also relatable to other people too.
But still, it niggles at me that I could be more desirable as a person and that there must be time I’m missing to do all of these house proud duties, talents and skills at every moment. Don’t get me wrong, our home is pretty much tidy every day but usually it gets done when Dexter has gone to bed and there’s no room for more mess to build up (by that I mean that there are no hobbits destroying your progress). Do people feel the same way as me? Are my comparisons normal? Am I too anxious or am I actually working out my flaws as a wife and and mum? Do people compare themselves to little old me? Do people think I’m a good mum? So many questions that we ask ourselves yet we feel it’s unacceptable to actually ask everybody else what they see when they look at you. Is life honestly becoming that false online that the real questions we have are avoidable and awkward? That is so backwards.
Technology is something that most of us can’t live without in some form but it’s also the cause to a lot of negativity or anxiety. You compare yourself to most things that you see online and the sad thing is most of us don’t wish to change our lives or environment. We only wish to change ourselves – I do anyway.
I’m not sure what I’m expecting out of writing this. I could be hoping that this is a typical way to feel or I could be just getting it out of my system but there’s a strain on me at the moment. I so want to be able to do everything in one day but the phrase “There’s not enough hours in the day” makes sense to me now. What am I missing? Am I cut out for this or am I unintentionally failing? I couldn’t tell you because all I ever do is try my best as a mother, wife, friend and generally as a mediocre but kind human being.
There’s no moral to this story and there’s no positive vibes today. I promised myself that this blog would be uncensored and unedited at the best of times. If how I’m feeling is completely normal and relatable then welcome to real life and ignore the instagram perfectness that doesn’t really exist. Real life is questionable and difficult – dont let anybody fool you into thinking that it’s not.
Now if only I could practice what I preach!