Now, I can only speak from my point of view when I say this but NOTHING changed after we said those two “life changing” words – I do.
We’d been told that everything feels new, fresh and exciting once we got married. Once the honeymoon phase fades, you’ll find yourself having bigger rows (usually over money) and having issues with losing your independence when it comes to going out or having a joint account. But this day and age it doesn’t have to be that way. We did it modern day style! By that, I mean we had a baby pre-marriage so the biggest commitment had already been made. Marriage really wasn’t going to change anything. But even if we hadn’t had our son, I don’t think it’d be any different than it is today.
Our baby was only small when we got married so we decided to delay our honeymoon (yay for vouchers!) for a more convenient time, so the day after we got married was surreal when we got home and one of us was unpacking whilst the other was feeding the baby. Would we rather have been on our way to the airport ready for a week of luxury and tranquility? Of course. But we had the choice to and we chose to stay at home as a family. We have supportive families who would have Dexter for the week any time we like so we decided to wait until he was a little older but being a newish mum, I was nervous to leave the sprog. Looking back I should have said “JUST TAKE HIM. I’M OFF TO THE FUCKING MALDIVES. LATERS BITCHES!” But my mum did have him for a few days that week, naturally myself and my new husband were planning days out like going to the cinema, going shopping, going for dinner etc but we accidentally stayed at home and took advantage of sleep, delivery food and watched films until 4am without worrying that we’d have to be up two hours later. #parentlife
But nothing changed for us. I didn’t feel any more loved up but I didn’t feel suddenly claustrophobic either. It just felt normal; it felt like us. I mean, I refer to Jamie as “my husband” when I’m talking about him to a stranger or formally but that came naturally just like “my partner” and “my other half” did too. I remember Jamie and I used to joke whilst we were engaged saying that we’d be those really annoying newlyweds that you want to punch in the face (no offense intended to any newlyweds, you’re truly adorable…) and say things like “I love you husband” and “I love you wife. Or should I say MRS GRIFFITHS?!” and then we’d jump up and down excitedly, practically hyperventilating at the sound of our new titles. But in actual fact, the day after we got married Jamie said “How are you feeling Mrs Griffiths? Nope. Not happening. I’m not calling you that. That’s my mum.” So yeah, our name for each other is still “babe”, just how it’s always been and exactly how I like it.
The day of our wedding was wonderful, despite the little things that ALWAYS go wrong the day before. We had a country farmhouse with a barn, two halls and pretty grounds with a stream that thankfully nobody drowned in (Yes, I had nightmares over this). We laughed, danced, we had a huge amount of food (best.hogroast.ever.) and after 11pm we had a silent disco which was one of the most hilarious experiences ever, seeing members of our families screaming at the top of their voices “Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango!” Instead of a wedding cake, we had a doughnut tower. We had piñata’s for the children and of course I GOT MY DREAM CAMPERVAN! Which was literally more important to me than the dress. The day was filled with love and happiness, the most laid back, NON TRADITIONAL wedding ever! Perfect.
The next day I woke up (at the farmhouse which was also a B&B) to Jamie who was rushing and had barely given me a kiss good morning because there was so much to pack up, in my hungover state I walked into the kitchen where I found our families staring at me, clearly expecting me to have that post wedding glow but instead I grumbled that I had a headache and said “he’s bloody doing my head in, waking me up reading a ‘to do’ list isn’t up there with his finest moments” as I shoved my sunglasses on and poured myself a black coffee. “Off to a good start then?!” Was the reply I got whilst everyone laughed. SHIT. I’M SUPPOSED TO BE GLOWING AND SINGING LIKE A DISNEY PRINCESS AREN’T I? My mum had firm words with me about acting too grumpy. It was along the lines of “get a grip” but my hangover was strong and I had already started the post-wedding blues. But I like it that me and Jamie woke up like us. Our perfections and flaws evident the moment we wake up as husband and wife, it’s who we fell in love with. The night we got home we settled down with some of our wedding champagne and played Star Wars monopoly until quickly needing to pass out in bed, I really do love how normal and natural it felt. It was a good sign.
We’ve obviously had our good times and bad since getting married and maybe eleven months of marriage isn’t classed as long enough for anything to change yet so years from now I may write an updated blog post about what HAS changed but for now, I’m happy we stayed as we always have. The small gestures we show each other, the support we provide, the love we share. I sound like I’m renewing my vows right now but these are the things we have always done since knowing each other, even as friends. I’m being soppy but these things are the important things surely? Not whether or not you have the same name, if you have a joint account, if you wear rings, we do all of those things but none of them make a difference to our relationship. In fact, when he brings home bacon or chocolate that’s when I’m like “This is why we are going to be married FOREVER.” THOSE are the things that count. Fact. Keep yo’ money, cook me bacon.
So I hope my husband can agree with all of the above other wise I’m in the doghouse. I love you babe!